THIS JUST IN!

News You Need to Know, or Not!

FORT WORTH, Texas – Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company.

The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business, authorities said. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious – perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off, according to investigators.

Fuller said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check to start a record business, but bank employees who contacted the account's owner said the woman told them she did not give him permission to take or cash the check, according to police.

Ah Shucks. Does that mean I can't start a record company? I love Texans!

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For the first time in Chile, a mayor plans to give out free Viagra to men 60 and older in his town to improve their "quality of life" four times a month, according to media reports.

"This has to do with quality of life and it's done responsibly. It's not just like handing out candy at the corner," Gonzalo Navarrete, a physician and mayor of the poor town of Lo Prado south of Santiago, told Las Ultimas Noticias daily.

He said any man 60 years and older we'll give out four, 50 milligram pills, in other words, for four sexual relationships per month,"

He did have some advice, however, for the Viagra seekers: "Sildenafil doesn't get you going without direct stimulation.

Sounds like a candy store to me!

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RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (AP) - A governor in northern Saudi Arabia has ordered authorities to punish men who flirt with women in public places by cutting their hair, local media said Tuesday.

Ah Geez. Another good reason not to go to Saudi Arabia!

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It could've been a typical spat between grocery store customer and manager, with the customer announcing he planned to take his business elsewhere. But then the customer drew his gun. The store manager drew his and so did the assistant manager.

It all happened at 5 p.m. Monday at the IGA Supermarket at 1000 36th St. in West Palm Beach. And in the end, West Palm Beach police arrested customer Marshall Hugo Grant for attempted first-degree murder, shooting into an occupied dwelling, aggravated assault with a firearm and carrying a concealed firearm.

Gun fight at the Circle K corral!

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On the stump, the former President dispensed idiosyncratic political analysis. “One of the reasons that she won Ohio that nobody wrote about,” he said, without explanation, “is that Ohio has a plant that produces the largest number of solar reflectors in America.” HUH! He offered commentary about his wife’s earlier limitations as a candidate: “I think Hillary’s become a much better speaker.” But, most of all, Bill Clinton talked about Bill Clinton:

You have to love him!

NEW YORK – Roger Clemens had a decade-long relationship with country star Mindy McCready that began when she was a 15-year-old aspiring singer and the pitcher was a Boston Red Sox ace, the Daily News reported.

Clemens' lawyer, Rusty Hardin, confirmed a long-term relationship but told the newspaper it was not sexual.

Rog must have misremembered!

From my niece the teacher:
A fellow teacher, Chelsea was about to kill her senior class because none of them had done their homework. One of the boys claimed he had, but it was on his USB drive and he needed to print it. Calling BS, Chelsea asked him to give her the USB drive saying that she would print his work for him. The USB drive was full of porn. Oh yeah, and the student had not done his homework. So that's what's going on here today.

Nothing more to say!

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DUMB, DUMBER and DUMNEST! 



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) 
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? 
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,' 
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. 


Who cares? It is better to look good than be smart.

Have a nice day!

Sammy C.