The Mourning After!

A last week approached, I was not looking forward to it. It would the first anniversary of Mark’s death. No one can really understand the tragedy brought about by the death of a child, and I hope nobody ever has to understand. We are not the first nor the last people to lose a child. Everyone handles it in their own way, but It leaves a huge hole in your heart, mind and soul.

However, as the week went on, approaching that fateful day, I found it to be not as paralyzing as I thought it would be. Last Sunday, I ask my brother how it was when the first anniversary of Jeff’s death came around. He told me it wasn't as bad as he anticipated. If someone were to ask me the same question today, I would give them the same answer. I actually had a very good week. Oh, there were tears, but the overall week was a combination of praying, nostalgia, tears, laughs, reliving his life, reading the Facebook comments about Mark over the past year (there were many from this week from his friends and co-workers, his photography, his videos and my own reflections. My passage was soothed by writing from the my heart. He was unique. a loving friendly, funny, and a loyal friend to anyone he ever met. He is loved and remembered.

So with all the sadness I experienced this week, how could have been a good week? I have come to this conclusion. Mourning and grieving are too different things. Mourning is a time period. It has a beginning and an end. In most societies it seems to last a year. This week I ended the mourning period. When you put mourning on the back shelf, there is a sense of a new beginning. The first my of the rest of my life. Mourning is behind me.

When mourning is put away, it leaves only the grief. But a strange thing happens, the grief subsides and sinks below the surface a little bit. It will never go away, but it lowers itself in to a more quiet place.  The grief will always be there, but with damp eyes rather than tears. I suppose this is the part in the stages of grief called, acceptance.

I want to thank all of my friends who read my blog for bearing with me this week. It has been cathartic.

With all my heart, I love you all. And so I move on making my memories.

Sam