Part Three
The Mayor Of Einsteins!
It's Good to be the Mayor!
TO BE CONTINUED
The Mayor Of Einsteins!
It's Good to be the Mayor!
A couple of years ago I named myself Mayor of Einsteins. There was no election. I simply assumed the role in a schmearless coup. I have a lot of fun with it. I have a usual seat presiding over my council of friends. I actually think some people would miss me if I were gone. Some people would call me a ”fixture”.
Nobody has ever challenged me to an election. Of course no one actually cares. There is a lady, often referred to as the “Church Lady”, that I believe would like to be the mayor. She only comes in on Sunday after church. She leaves church a little early in order to secure a large table for her political cronies. She gets very frustrated and impatient when there is not a table immediately available that will seat her party. If she spots an empty table, she makes a beeline for the prize. I am afraid if there were a race to capture a table she would body check the interlopers. She then wipes off the table and places napkins and plastic ware at each place and then waits patiently until her friends arrive.
I ask you dear people, is this the kind of busy body you would want as your mayor? She is a woman with cronies, not patrons and would only be in the office one day a week. I think not! Your mayor has a place for all the people, as long as they don’t take HIS TABLE.
1. Your mayor does not necessarily support illegal immigration, but certainly supports the workers at Einsteins. Where would our community be without our excellent Mexican bakers, counter people and cashiers in the foodservice industry? We would then have to have American workers who don’t speak English very well either.
2. Your mayor believes that every Einstein patron should have a bathroom that is fully stocked with soap, paper towels, toilet paper and a lock on the door.
3. Your mayor endorses a policy of lavese por favor los manos antes de volver al trabajo de commer su bagel. (Please wash your hands before returning to work or eating your bagel.)
4. Your mayor, for public safety reasons, advocates that little women with big SUVs, backing out of our tight parking spaces with a cell phone in her hand be banned from bageling.
5. Your mayor’s style of governing is participative. When a question comes up that need to be answered and the answer is not close at hand, I delegate the duty of Googling to one of my council members. This has become a burden to some council members because they do not have computers. It is hard to Google without a computer. Some members don’t think it is fair to do all of the Googling work because somebody doesn’t have a computer. There will be a council fight on this matter I’m afraid.
6. We will maintain an open border policy to our neighbors Caribou Coffee and their customers. However, we are watching the number of their customers who buy coffee and goodies at Caribou and then occupy our tables.
Nobody has ever challenged me to an election. Of course no one actually cares. There is a lady, often referred to as the “Church Lady”, that I believe would like to be the mayor. She only comes in on Sunday after church. She leaves church a little early in order to secure a large table for her political cronies. She gets very frustrated and impatient when there is not a table immediately available that will seat her party. If she spots an empty table, she makes a beeline for the prize. I am afraid if there were a race to capture a table she would body check the interlopers. She then wipes off the table and places napkins and plastic ware at each place and then waits patiently until her friends arrive.
I ask you dear people, is this the kind of busy body you would want as your mayor? She is a woman with cronies, not patrons and would only be in the office one day a week. I think not! Your mayor has a place for all the people, as long as they don’t take HIS TABLE.
A PRESS RELEASE FROM YOUR MAYOR
Samuel C. Arnold
Should any person want to challenge my mayoral position, I asked you to peruse where your mayor stands on the important Einstonian issues.Samuel C. Arnold
1. Your mayor does not necessarily support illegal immigration, but certainly supports the workers at Einsteins. Where would our community be without our excellent Mexican bakers, counter people and cashiers in the foodservice industry? We would then have to have American workers who don’t speak English very well either.
2. Your mayor believes that every Einstein patron should have a bathroom that is fully stocked with soap, paper towels, toilet paper and a lock on the door.
3. Your mayor endorses a policy of lavese por favor los manos antes de volver al trabajo de commer su bagel. (Please wash your hands before returning to work or eating your bagel.)
4. Your mayor, for public safety reasons, advocates that little women with big SUVs, backing out of our tight parking spaces with a cell phone in her hand be banned from bageling.
5. Your mayor’s style of governing is participative. When a question comes up that need to be answered and the answer is not close at hand, I delegate the duty of Googling to one of my council members. This has become a burden to some council members because they do not have computers. It is hard to Google without a computer. Some members don’t think it is fair to do all of the Googling work because somebody doesn’t have a computer. There will be a council fight on this matter I’m afraid.
6. We will maintain an open border policy to our neighbors Caribou Coffee and their customers. However, we are watching the number of their customers who buy coffee and goodies at Caribou and then occupy our tables.
Thank You for letting me share my platform with you!
A Bagel In Every Basket!
Samuel C. Arnold
Mayor
A Bagel In Every Basket!
Samuel C. Arnold
Mayor
TO BE CONTINUED
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