From the Coronado Eagle Journal, July 30,2014.
“Join animal lovers and Wizard of Oz enthusiast alike at the Oz-themed “Yappy Hour” where dogs can lap up complimentary Evian water and yappatizers (organic dog food treats) , while their owners sip on Oz-inspired such as Kanas Twister and Ruby Slippers on Sundays in August from 4 p.m. to 5.pm at the Sun Deck Bar & Grill located at the Hotel Del Coronado.”
I hardly know what to say, but, of course I will.
First of all, I don’t think a dog really cares if its Evian Water or not. This is an animal who often drinks from the toilet. “Organic Happitizers?” This is an animal that will eat its own vomit on occasion. Don’t forget they can often be spotted licking their butt in public. So it’s more about the owners self-gratification than trying to make their dogs feel special. They will sip on their “Foo Foo” cocktails at $15.00 a pop and watch their dogs mingle with other dogs sniffing each others asses. God forbid, if a Mongrel showed up. A Mongrel is a true American, a mixture. This superficial gathering is what replaced Ron’s Garage Band after 19 years of weekend music, that was a cornerstone to summer weekends in Coronado.
I don’t have anything against dogs. Dogs are friendly, loyal and company to the lonely. They are also very promiscuous. If they can’t find a willing doggy in heat, they will hump your leg. They are wonderful pets. I would like having a dog, if it weren’t for the taking them out all the time to do their business. In these cases doggy bathroom needs take precedence over a nice time on a date. “Oh, I have to get home. My dog needs to go out, “Bye.”
Let’s talk about the other side of doggy bathroom habits. Leash them up and make sure their little costume is on properly. We wouldn’t want them to catch a chill. Get them outside where they sniff around for those who has peed there before. After things are considered all right, they lift their leg and pee on the wall, tree or bush. The world is their toilet. Classy.!!!!The walk continues until the dog feels the urge to poop. He squats, poops and then the owner pick it up with a little baggy. If another dog is encountered, they sniff each other's butt. This act gives a dog the information on the other dog, its gender, emotional state, diet and more. A dog has a second olfactory system that's known as Jacobson's Organ. Its nerves direct chemical information it detects directly into the brain so there's no interference from odors. Now you know everything you wanted to known about Fido's anal fascination. (Source: I Googled it.Yes, I Googled it.) Sort of like a proctologist examination. Oh ,and let’s not forget when they return home, they often lick their balls in the middle of the room, if they have them. Gross. Have they no shame?
A cat is different. He or she is not your friend, EVER. Cats always have an attitude. If they could talk, and they got a phone call, they would tell you to take a message. They don’t give a damn if you are home from tough day. They only are loviy, when they had a hard day of sleeping or are hungry. The good thing is that they have a bathroom filled with absorbent material, and they cover up their stuff afterwords. They actually get pissed if you leave them at home when you go on a couple of day’s trips. We had a cat left alone, and he peed in the corner of my office. I don’t like cats, but at lest they have good bathroom habits, unless you have pissed them off.
A friend of mine was scheduled to go out with a woman he had met online. She called to tell him she would have to cancel, because her dog had “separation anxiety.” WTF is that all about?. As we talked more about dogs and dating, he told of a woman he went out with had three dogs. That got my sense of humor going. I said, “Picture this. You are on the couch making out and three dogs bounce into the room and right on top of the moment. But that is not be the worst part of my imaginary tale. She laughed hysterically at the dogs behavior. My advice, Run, Michael, Run away as fast as you can.”
I have to give dogs credit because they are “chick magnets”. Female dog lovers will always make conversation with other dog lovers they meet on the exercise and bathroom walks. A conversation is struck up, while the dogs sniff each other's asses.
They say, masters begin to look like their dogs. I agree. You know who you are.
The movie, Best in Show, captures the world the “Yappy Hour” type of dogs and the people who love them. I also catch the Westminster Dog Show, every once in a while. I love the action of the handlers (great waddlers or prancers) and the so serious words of the announcer.
I know I have pissed a lot of people off with this commentary.
One last thing. Every female dog should have a male poodle for a friend.
Bow Woo!
Have a nice day and stay out of the dog poop.
Sammy Carl.
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